I am Mary's Raging Jealousy
by nina is pants
Summary: Lily is jealous. Lily can't control her temper. Lily may very well be insane. Or maybe it's just the way she keeps her eyes wide open. Language. James and Lily.
1. Chapter 1

I am Mary's pounding heart.

I am Mary's pounding heart. The cute boy with the slightly large forehead is shooting her glances.

You are cute. You are sexy. You are smart. You are nice.

Who the hell am I kidding? I look like I've been living under my bed for the past nine months. Who the hell wears sweats to a night club? Well, apparently, I do.

I am Mary's cynical depression.

He's not looking at me because my hair is up in a messy bun rat's nest thing is sexy. He's looking at it because it's the complete opposite. I look like a frumpy rag muffin who has no business being in this club right now, which is mostly correct. I don't really have any business here. I'm here because my best friend is bar tending and I have nothing better to do with my life.

"You look insane," Eric sets a water bottle down in front of me. "Stop keeping your eyes so wide. You're going to get sent to the insane asylum."

I tell him he can go fuck a dementor.

"Are you sure you don't want a Fire Whisky?"

I'm sure.

"You look like you could use one."

Go take care of your other customers and then come back, Eric.

By then I might actually need one. I count the seconds on the giant clock that looks like it belongs on a tower at Hogwarts. I look to my left. I look to my right. The cute boy is looking at me again. This time he blushes and looks away. Caught.

I look foreword again.

One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five.

Eric comes back, takes the water bottle out of my hand and puts a beer bottle in it instead. I sip it all the same. A second cute boys joins the first cute boy. I feel their gaze linger on me for a second. I could turn and catch them. But I don't.

One, two, three, four, five.

My favorite candy store in town closed down. No more late night sugar rushes and boxes of Chocolate Frogs that take me weeks and weeks to eat.

I am Mary's nostalgia.

Eric comes back again, this time with a bowl of peanuts. He points and tells me to eat. I hate peanuts, I say, he says to eat again and walks away.

The cute boy and his cute friend have walked away. I think they're dancing. I don't turn around to check.

One, two, three, four, five.

I sip the beer methodically. I push the bowl of peanuts away. Eric returns with pretzels.

"Eat," he says. I take a handful of the stale pretzels and jam them in my mouth. My roommate is having sex right now. She's having sex in our living room on our couch. I sleep on that couch. I could've stayed at home eating the last of my Chocolate Frogs from the candy store and listen to my roommate have sex or come here and watch kids my age having sex on the dance floor. I'm a creepy pervert either way.

One, two, three, four, five.

The cute boy and his cute friend are back. There's a girl with them now. I hope that she's not cute guy's girlfriend, but judging my luck she probably is. I feel their eyes on me again. This time I turn my head. Cute guy waves at me. I manage a weak smile.

Eric returns. "Another?" my bottle is suddenly empty. I shake my head. "How about a Butterbeer?" Before I have to answer he's making a glass in front of me. Cute guy has slid down the bar next to me.

He asks my name. "That's a pretty name," he says with a smile. I wince at the pain my own smile causes me. I ask him if he thinks I look insane. Cute boy shakes his head and tells me no. Eric laughs. Cute boy gives him a look. Eric sets my Butterbeer down in front of me. He tells me his name, by the way.

I know who you are, I say. You're that auror. He nods. He tells me that's his friend Sirius with his date over there.

I am Mary's sigh of relief.

He asks me out. I have nothing better to do. We make plans for tomorrow night. He'll pick me up outside here at seven. Wear nice clothes.

And this is how I (re)met James Potter.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Am I J

**Disclaimer: Am I J.K. Rowling? Obviously not. **

I am Mary's clenching stomach. I will not vomit. I will not vomit. I will not vomit. That basic feeling slime that coats your teeth and tongue and gums has crawled up into my mouth. I can feel the bile rising in my throat. And yet there is no cause.

There is always a cause, and then an effect. Not an effect without a cause. No. That is improbable. It can not exist. Everything has a cause. A house catches on fire. It could be because you left a candle burning near a curtain. It could be because the house was struck by lightning. A house does not spontaneously catch on fire. Therefore, there must be a cause as to why I have the sudden urge to reveal the entire contents of my lunch on the floor of my flat.

Of course, I do, in fact, know the cause. I do not want to admit the cause, because I feel that the cause is not strong enough to warrant this feeling in my gut, however, I shall, to you. I am nervous. Nervous about the date with the cute guy.

Why am I nervous? That, I can not tell you. It's not because I don't want to tell you, it's because I just don't know. I'm never nervous. I am one of those freakishly calm type-B people that don't react to anything. Or at least, that's how I've been lately; and by lately I mean the past four years.

Maybe it's because this is first date I've been on in months? Maybe it's because this might just be a joke between James and his friend. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not nervous at all and I just had something that upset my stomach for lunch. But that can't be the answer because I had a power bar and an organic apple for lunch. Damn, it must be the nerves.

It doesn't really matter though. I haven't vomited in years. I've gotten that feeling where it could come up at any moment, but the actual vomit has never come up. And I wouldn't let myself vomit anyway. I'd just choke it back down.

I can't vomit on a new dress now can I? It's blue and pretty. Wouldn't want apple chunks and chewed up protein to ruin it now. If I keep moving maybe the vomit will go down.

So I apparate in an alley near the restaurant, unseen of course, you never know when muggles are watching. I've decided to walk the last six blocks to the restaurant. Like I would let James pick me up. Not with the sex freaks roaming around my apartment. It's like they never leave. All the do is have sex and eat and then take a shit and then have more sex.

I have to be out of the apartment 98 of the time because it makes me seem like a creeper if I stay there. I bet they're doing it right now. I bet they're doing it on my bed. And I'm the one that seems like a pervert. I wonder if they have done it on my bed. I should change the sheets more often. Tomorrow, I'll change them tomorrow.

I nod my head with my decision. I must look strange. Walking along in high heels nodding to myself. I wonder if Eric's right and that I do look like I'm about to be carted off to the asylum.

I'm here for a date, but I'm not sure what name the reservation is under, I tell the hostess. This place is classy, the type of classy that will stop onlookers in their tracks to stare through the window at all the people in their classy clothes. I'm suddenly feeling a tad under dressed. Fantastic.

I am Mary's sense of unease. I'm going to be an awkward freak. I can feel it. No matter how hard I try I'm still going to look like an idiot. Fantastic.

"Are you Lily?" The hostess leaned in conspiratorially. What is this a crime show? I tell her that yes, my name is Lily. "Your date is already here," she leans away and motions for me to follow her. The floor is made of marble, it seems, and her high heels clack loudly down the hallway. This place is ritzy. I don't belong in a place like this. I belong in sweats hiding under my bed.

I follow her into a private room, it's dimly lit and the faint sounds of piano music fill the air. James smiles and stands when he sees me. He waves.

I am Mary's calm smile. I smile back. The bile seems to slither back down my throat. My mouth is no longer full of basic slime. He holds my chair out for me, and I sit. The hostess must've left; she's no where in sight.

"You look very pretty tonight," James tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.

You're not so bad yourself, I say. He chuckles and asks me if Champaign is okay. I tell him it's fantastic. I don't know what's with me and that word today. "Good," He smiles that charming smile again. "Because I already ordered it," as he says this, a waiter, I'm assuming ours, presents a bottle that James checks.

"Cheers," I say. He grins. He holds his own flute up and we clink and then I sip. I laugh. He asks me why I'm laughing, so I tell him.

"You like the bubbles," James shakes his head, chortling. The night passes by quickly. James tells me stories. I tell him stories. I think I made him laugh more than he made me laugh. It's late. I want a jelly wand.

"I want a jelly wand," I tell James as we leave the restaurant. He laughs, his laughter is magical; it always puts a smile on my face.

I am Mary's aching cheeks. "You want a jelly wand?" He repeats me. Yes, I tell him, I'm craving one. "Do you have jelly wands at home?" he asks. I don't want to bring James home to the sex maniacs.

I tell him no, James says cool and tells me we're going to go to his flat. "You have jelly wands at your flat?"

"Yes. I hope you don't mind sharing though?"

"With you?"

"And with Sirius. We live together," I nod and tell him sharing is fine. In fact, I'm a super share-er, I say. "Oh yeah?" there's that laugh again. Oh yes, I nod emphatically, I share all the time, in fact, I'm so good at sharing, that when I share, you wouldn't even realize I was sharing until after I shared with you. "That is super sharing," Oh yes indeed.

I enjoy the fact that I make this boy laugh. I don't think I've been flirty and making boys laugh since a long time ago. Since, Paul, I think, I don't remember. Paul was last year sometime. God, has it really been that long since I've been on a date?

James knocks on the door, "Sirius!" He calls, "Are you decent?" I don't hear a reply. The door swings open. Sirius is folding socks. "Hello," He says to me. His eyes crinkle when he smiles.

"Hello," I smile and wave. He drops the socks he was folding on the floor. James goes to the cabinet, Sirius asks him what's he's doing. James tells him. "Jelly wands?" Sirius laughs and asks. His laugh is like a tinkle of bells. James asks if he wants some. "Hell yes! Of course I want some." Sirius sits down next to me. In five minutes flat I'm playing patty cake with him.

The jelly wands come, we eat them, and James brought chocolate frogs also. So we eat them as well. James says they're having a party tomorrow night and asks me if I want to come. I say I would love to, so Sirius decides he's bored and gets fire whisky.

I am Mary's new attitude towards life.

**A/N: Okay, the "I am Mary's…" thing is a reference from the book and movie Fight Club. The body part represents how she is feeling. Also, this isn't exactly going to follow J.K.'s protocol. James and Lily will end up together and stuff but I'm not sure if I want to go further than them getting together. If I do they will join the order and all the jazz but their back stories will be different. Review?**


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